In the eyes of the law, you can be both a victim and a survivor simultaneously if you were injured in a car crash and survived.
However, if you are in an abusive relationship, you are a victim and require healing spiritually to help you find the strength to go on and be free and live in peace.
Abusers will isolate you from family and friends, chip away at your self-esteem and blame you for causing the problems and making them abuse you. They will try to convince you that you are mad and basically no good to anyone, if you were not married to them nobody would want you. They will tell you not to let anyone know what is going on in your house. saying nobody will believe you. They are in control.
You know you need to get out, but your esteem and self-worth are so low you need to find the strength to remove yourself.
My sister invited me to go to the Spiritualist church, her friend had gone the week before and got an excellent message with a fun element.
Unknown to me at the time this was the start of my healing journey.
I got a message from my dad, who gave me some strength and told me to find my strength and become “his lovely smiling girl again”. He would always be beside me. My father was a very strong man, and he gave me hope. I cried all the way home.
A few days later, my 11-year-old son called me “a cow” which was one of the names his father used to put me down. I realized it was time to act as I would not allow my sons to become like their father.
A few days later I left for work at the usual time, phoned work to say I was unwell and went to a female lawyer. I was frightened to go to a man in case he didn’t believe me. I was terrified as I didn’t know how my husband would react when he received the divorce paperwork.
I had to stay in the house with him and my two sons as I had nowhere to go. He would wake us up at all times of the night for no reason but to mess with our heads. I lived on my nerves but knew I had to keep going.
He put his gambling debt against my house and made me and my two sons homeless. You might think now I was free, but this was only the start of a scary journey. I had gone from being so controlled I had no self-esteem. I was also homeless with children, no money and no one to help. I found family members didn’t believe me – suddenly, I was speaking about being abused. My mother said I was being selfish as he was their father, and I was taking them away. She had no idea of the extent of the abuse, but I needed her at this time, and she wasn’t available to me emotionally or any other way.
Friends stop speaking as they didn’t want to be involved. All alone, I could understand why people go back to their abuser maybe several times before they leave for good. They are used to this life and after being so controlled it is scary to be alone having to make all the decisions.
I asked my friend “How am I going to bring up my children alone?” Her reply was “What did he ever do for them”. This made me think, she was right I had been doing everything all along.
I joined a spiritualist church and often took my children with me. The messages I received from the spirit world gave me the courage to carry on. I was encouraged to meditate, which was very difficult at first as my head was full of problems and my anxiety was through the roof. I received healing in church weekly and gradually began to relax.
One evening at church I received a message from my father-in-law. His message was very short, but I needed to hear his words. “You are doing the right thing”. I was happy and crying as my abuser’s father knew what his son had put us through. He gave me strength and hope to continue.
The president of the church Eddie invited me to join his closed circle and learn to work for spirit. He believed me and with the help of spirit, his guidance and support got me to a very healthy place. I will never forget what happened to me and my family, but I am a survivor.
Working within Criminal Justice for 20 years I decided to combine my work experience working with both abusers and victims with my spiritual work to help unblock the hurt they are carrying.
I am a practicing medium and hope some of the messages I deliver can give hope and strength to someone who is currently in a similar position as I previously found myself. I run a Spiritualist Church and teach people to meditate. We have a healing circle every week and I work with people individually if needed. I hope to give back all the help I received in my darkest times.
Article by Jane Spiers – Trance Healing Academy
Article published in More to Life – Edition 66
