Freedom is being you, unapologetically, without anyone’s permission
There was a time in my life when I felt trapped in everything: Trapped in my relationship. My home. My career. My life. It made no sense because I had voluntarily chosen the life I was living.
And yet I found myself in desperate need of escape. What I didn’t know then, is that I was trying to escape from a traumatized nervous system, a conditioned mind and a distorted belief system. I wasn’t free.
You are being conditioned from the moment you are born. Whether that’s from parents, socially, culturally. Through news, TV, advertising, and social media. The experiences you have, and how you perceive them will shape your emotional landscape, thoughts, beliefs, behaviours and choices.
Our default is to conform to the expectations of others, social norms and culture so that we fit in. But this may or may not be you at your core. Add to that the impacts of any traumatic and distressing experiences, and you start to build a picture of how you might be taken off course, and away from the freedom of being you.
My question is: Have you built your life on the foundations of your truest and most authentic self? Or have you built it based on something else? It’s a profound question and one that might require you to face hard truths.
What I’ve come to realise is this: You can experience true freedom when you accept, understand, and let go of the conditioning of the past, and return to the core of who you came here to be.
Awakening
I was living in blissful ignorance. At least it was blissful for a while. I had everything I was conditioned to believe would make me happy: marriage, career, home, thriving social life, car, holidays.
And yet there was a niggle. A chronic dissatisfaction, and a gradually deepening exhaustion. The pressure to maintain the lifestyle started to become too much and I couldn’t cope. Therein was the first sign of awakening. Many more followed, until I eventually burned out and was forced to ask myself some very hard questions: Who am I really? What do I truly want in life? If not this, then what?
When was the last time you asked yourself these questions?
Facing the truthful answers and acting on them can be incredibly hard. It takes courage, deep trust and a lot of self-compassion. And yet, when you come home to yourself, and into full acceptance, there is no greater freedom!
Signs
If you’re not living as your true self, there will be signs. They will show up in your life circumstances, your emotional landscape, habits, thoughts, beliefs and patterns of behaviour: Both your outer and inner world, as one reflects the other.
You have a choice. You can ignore them and carry on (as I tried to – until I couldn’t) or you can start to pay attention and use the clues being revealed to you as signposts towards the life you are truly here to live.
In today’s paradigm, choosing to tune in and listen goes against the norm. Conditioned to conform, in a world where every symptom is pathologized and masked with a pill or some other quick fix, you could be missing the deepest wisdom that lies within: The wisdom of your body and the truth that life is always trying to show you.
Are you ready to start listening?
Here are some signs to look out for:
- You feel dissatisfied, always searching for something more, and a sense of emptiness nags at your being.
- You people please, not setting healthy boundaries, and you find it hard to say no.
- You have a strong inner critic, in self-judgment, and always feel like you need to prove yourself.
- Your energy levels are low, and you’re experiencing symptoms of burnout, especially when you commit to things you don’t really want to do.
- You ‘bottle up’ your emotions and just go through the motions of life, because that is what you feel you have to do.
- You don’t feel connected to your body. You may have chronic pain or unexplained health issues caused by stress and emotional repression, yet you ignore these symptoms.
- You frequently feel overwhelmed and worried, and perhaps you feel trapped by life’s circumstances.
- You notice feelings of jealousy and envy towards others, which could indicate you have suppressed your own aspirations.
- You feel uninspired, and lack creativity, and you neglect the activities that bring you joy
Do any (or all) of these resonate with you?
Stepping Stones
If you’re feeling genuinely and truly fulfilled in your life, then you needn’t read any further. But if you identified with some of the signs listed above, here’s how you can start taking steps towards freely living as the wonderful, unique, being that is YOU:
- Begin a regular self-reflection practice. Put aside 15-20 minutes a day and journal or meditate.
- Identify your core values by figuring out what truly matters to you. Consider where your life does, and does not, align with these values.
- Start to set boundaries. Saying no more often to the things that aren’t aligned for you and saying yes to yourself more.
- Begin re-building a connection with your body, so you get a sense of how you feel, physically and emotionally. Practices like yoga, Pilates, and somatic movement can be hugely beneficial.
- Get curious and experiment with activities and hobbies that used to bring you joy.
- Through your self-reflection and journalling, start to challenge any limiting beliefs about yourself. For example: “I am only lovable if….” Or “I must be xxxxx to be accepted”. Limiting beliefs usually begin with definitive words such as I am, I can’t, I don’t, I must.
- Think about the people in your life and spend more time with those who encourage authentic and free expression. If this isn’t present yet, you can seek out groups and communities that will support this. You may also need to distance yourself from people that need you to be and act a certain way. (This is where learning healthy boundaries is paramount).
- Embrace your vulnerability. As you take these steps, you might feel more vulnerable than usual. Old traps emotions will begin to move through you, and people may notice that you’re changing. Embrace the vulnerability and celebrate the return home to yourself, even if it feels uncomfortable.
It’s important to take small steps on what is, essentially, a deconditioning journey. Trying to do it all at once, and all alone, is like trying to boil the ocean (trust me, I tried this approach more than once, and it put me straight back into burnout!) So, be patient and compassionate with yourself.
It’s also helpful to work with a coach who can help you discover the hidden emotions, limiting beliefs, and behavioural patterns, helping you overcome them, and supporting you to create a plan for sustainable change.
Remember: Freedom is being you, unapologetically, without anyone’s permission. And I can assure you, it makes for much richer, truer, and fulfilling life.
Article by More to Life Elder – Carli Thorpe
Article published in More to Life – Edition 69
