The real endings of life are clear and unequivocal. Loss of a loved one, pet or friend; loss of a job; leaving one school and starting another; moving from school to university; emigrating. The endings that cause the most problems are the never-ending endings created by our own minds.
When you look back into the past and question it, you are prolonging the thoughts, emotions, and reactions, that go with those events. It’s extremely hard to say that a breakup must be put behind you, or to accept that maybe you shouldn’t have left that job, and perhaps that argument wasn’t worth it, and then try to forget it. Our minds refuse to work that way.
The reality though is that the event is long since over. The relationship is in the past, you did leave that job, and at the time the argument felt sufficiently hurtful for you to want to walk away. Obviously, we can learn from all those things and use them to make better decisions going forward, but what is the key to cutting those ties and silencing those thoughts once and for all.
The key is choice. To make a choice and deliberately embrace it. To accept that maybe the past wasn’t your finest hour, or you’ll never know why your ex fell out of love or accept that friendship was flawed and creating constant hurt for far too long, and you couldn’t heal it. You need to choose to end these things in your own mind, but it’s easy to say the words ‘I choose,’ and not easy to do those words.
Thoughts are actions in the making. If your mind is telling you that something upsets you, it’s also asking you to let go of it. When it’s focusing on what’s wrong, it’s telling you what to change and how to change it. When your mind says “you know they won’t come back, and you need to move on” the message is clear, and you know what you must do. That isn’t sit and worry about it some more.
Except we do. Sad thoughts are normally the product of an underlying depression or stress. If you sit and examine what you’re thinking about, especially if it comes under the heading of “oh not this again!” you may want to consider if you’re just masking something else that is upsetting you.
It may be that a breakup forms part of a pattern in your life. If it does, work out what that pattern is and head it off next time. It may be that it isn’t the job you left, so much as your career choice is wrong. As such your current role is making you look back with more favour on the job you hated at the time, but the real problem is neither job it’s one level up – your career path. It may be that you give too much of yourself away in relationships, and the friendship that broke up was either necessary, or if you broke it then it represents a new pattern of you doing what’s right for you.
The next time you start looking back, ask yourself whether this past thing is the real problem. There may be other things going on in your life and it’s easier to look back than to face them. If it is the past, then the only choice you can make is to fill your mind with the present or the future.
Boredom is our worst enemy, and to heal from an aspect of our lives that isn’t working we need to fill our lives and minds with a new focus.
Gregg Braden teaches that the past no longer exists. There is nowhere you can go where the past is still as it was. When you think about it you recreate it, and you don’t even remember it accurately. Current theory is that we remember only 25% accurately and make logical connections to fill in the other 75%. Which means of course that it is all in your mind. A mind that you control. This is where the Law of Attraction comes in handy.
Try sitting down and thinking about the ideal life for you. Don’t worry about money, or if it feels possible, just identify what it would be. Then visualise it and feel what it would feel like to be living that life. Then start thinking about steps you can take to create that life. You could encapsulate it as: work it out, show up, do something.
If you focus on this exercise, you will free your mind from the past. The biggest benefit of the Law of Attraction is that it asks you to think about what you do want not what you don’t. Use that technique to ask yourself how any thought empowers your future, if it doesn’t, if it comes from the past, redirect your mind and think again about the life you do want, not the past you can’t have back.
Most importantly, accept the reality that the past no longer exists, it’s not just that it’s gone. That you have a choice whether to constantly recreate it. That the only person who can make a choice real is you.
Then move on to the Law of Attraction without ever looking back, realising that what you think about in the now you bring about in the future. Make it great, you’re worth it. Be a person of never-ending positive new experiences and beginnings.
Deb Hawken
