A little while ago I did a deep dive into the life of Fred Rogers. You may have heard of him; he was an American TV host for a children’s programme called Fred Roger’s Neighbourhood. There was a catchy song ‘It’s a beautiful day in the neighbourhood…
His television programme was centred around emotions and talked about the things that children might be feeling and experiencing, all within the context of our relationships with other people. It had a warm, homely feel to it and whole generations of children were influenced by Mr Roger’s and his wonderful way of making children feel seen and heard. The other amazing thing about Fred Rogers was that he was an ordained Presbyterian minister, but instead of leading a congregation in a church, he chose to do his ministry through the television, without directly delivering a sermon, or preaching about anything related to the traditional beliefs of the church. Instead, he went to the heart of what spirituality should be about, and that is the values behind it – that people matter, that children matter and nothing is so important as being accepted for who you are – that was his ministry.
I reflected on his life whilst I was in the bath one night, after watching the film that was recently made about him, and I realised that part of me, too, had always liked the idea of being a vicar. But it was unlikely that I would ever be one – I am not aligned to the beliefs of the Church although we share commonalities – I believe for example, that ‘Love one another’ is one of the most important statements ever made and one that we all need to deeply think about.
So, what exactly was it about being a vicar that was so attractive to me?
I realised that it boiled down to several things: firstly, I loved the idea of getting to live in different houses in different villages – I am always drawn to old houses like vicarages and I think this is the small child in me who would love to play in an attic room, read a book in a window seat on a rainy day next to an open fire, or explore a Victorian walled kitchen garden where there might be fairies to play with, or old coins and pieces of broken china buried in the earth that I can hold and try to piece together the rest of the object and wonder what it’s story was, and who owned it.
Then there is the fact that I would only have to speak a bit on a Sunday and visit the elderly and hold weddings and funerals and I would have my board and lodgings for free – that seems stress free and an easy way to move through the world. So I read a couple of books written by vicars and instead of this idealistic vision, the reality is long hours, a fairly high risk to one’s safety in certain areas of the country, and a lot of stress as the role requires a mash of relationship counselling, grief counselling, planning and delivery of ceremony, public speaking (I hate that and who doesn’t), being called upon at all hours to visit those in need, appearances in the community for all manner of things, being the expected source of advice and wisdom on any and all topics, and really considered as the go-to for just about anything, as well as being the speakerphone for Spirit. Quite frankly, I would have demanded a higher salary, it didn’t seem worth it.
Yet still the idea remained – what was it deep within me that loved this idea?
it felt like my soul had been fed the most nourishing soup
And then I realised – it was community. I had a yearning to be part of a community, welcomed into a community in fact. Clearly, I was missing this feeling of being welcomed into a kind of an extended family and then celebrated for being there. I had not experienced that as a child, and yet I had longed for it, longed for happy family gatherings that I had grown up watching on the TV. How I wished I had grown up in some Mediterranean country, where the whole family – grandparents included, all seemed to have their meals around a huge table all talking and laughing and sharing a moment together. This was what it was – and in me is that desire to create community, to create those connections with and amongst people, so that we can all get along, all help each other. One of the most important things that keeps us all united, keeps us all together and with a sense that we can cope with whatever comes our way in life is that sense that we are a part of something that is bigger than us, a larger family, our community.
Our mental health benefits from this, and that has an impact on our physical health, and our emotional health. In this day and age, we can find community in online spaces, and connect with people all over the world who share our common values and interests, and this is really important if we do not have that community around us. But it is my intention to create community in a physical sense so that we can foster those connections again that we had before everything got so material and separated out, because that is what we need to really survive and thrive.
Just as it was Fred Roger’s intention to create a community through his television programme, with individual children on the end of the TV set – he knew that he was talking to thousands of them, and that together he was creating a kind of community based on shared values, based on friendship, and this would connect them, on an energetic level, no matter where they were. They were a large family of children who grew up listening to the carefully chosen words of a man who genuinely cared about how they felt, based on what he knew his own life lacked as a child.
So many of us can relate to not feeling wanted, not having a place in society, not being listened to, or not feeling important or cared about. This gives us an awareness of what needs to change going forward. I realised that my life long lack was one of feeling that I never fitted in anywhere, or that anyone cared about me, and when I finally did fit in somewhere and I finally understood that I did matter to someone, it felt like my soul had been fed the most nourishing soup that existed in the entire universe which tasted like manna from heaven and filled up my belly with a warm and comforting feeling. There are so many people who are starving for that feeling.
I decided that I would start the journey towards creating community and so after telling a good friend of mine of my confusion of wanting to be a vicar but not wanting to be a vicar she told me about a friend of hers who became an interfaith minister. So, I investigated that, and I signed up for a course that was such an amazing fit for who I was and who I needed to be to realise my dream I could scarcely believe it.
So here I am, just beginning that journey, and already I have learned so much about the skills I need to try knit our communities back together again, to create a warm space where people feel connected and valued and less isolated and depressed, always with that intention – to bring light into the darkest corners of our world.
Our reason for being drawn to something, or wanting to do something, which is our intention, often reveals a much deeper yearning for what is lacking in our life, and in the wider world. May we create in our lives, what we wish to see in the world.
Blessed be.
Article by our new Elder, Phi Dufresne – goodeggs555@gmail.com
Article published in More to Life – Edition 66
