It’s so easy to say something as a throw away comment and not realise the impact it has on someone else until it’s too late. Maybe you were being flippant, sarcastic, or funny, but it didn’t land quite the way you intended. And all hell breaks loose.
We’ve all been there. I’ll be the first to pop my hand in the air and admit that one.
When we aren’t fully concentrating or conscious of our words or are spinning too many plates while we can slip up and say something we didn’t mean. Maybe we simply used the wrong words. We’ll apologise but do we learn going forwards to perhaps be a bit more present? To listen for the sake of listening and not listening to reply? To choose words a little more carefully?
Nine times out of ten we repeat the same thing with somebody else. And the cycle continues.
Can we break this cycle?
Yes. But it can be hard work. It means stripping away the pretence, being blunt when needed and keeping things in plain non-flowery language. And owning it when you do trip up. Heh you’re still human.
I have a bit of a marmite reputation – you either like me or I leave a nasty taste in your mouth depending on how my voice/words affects you. And it doesn’t bother me either way. It did in the beginning when I still was in ‘people pleaser’ mode. Let me be brutally honest, it was exhausting. I took on everyone’s words personally. You can imagine the hit my energy took.
Having to filter everything you say or write can suck the life out of you. I eventually realised I was wearing another mask or persona online. There was a breakthrough ’sod it’ moment when I decided to just be myself. Allowing my voice to finally come out, to speak my truth and for the first time fully embody what I was saying.
It’s been the most important and pivotal part of my own self-empowerment.
Realising just how much I was editing and censoring my own words, my truth, and my voice. It’s a sobering moment when that penny drops, and you see just how much you were silencing yourself. You may even have a ‘what the hell?’ moment when you understand the inner voice telling you to ‘be quiet’, that “you have nothing to say or nothing worth listening to” was never your voice to start with. It was someone else’s. You may even be able to pinpoint exactly who was projecting all this programming and negative belief onto you. Does it hurt? You bet your rear end it does. Can you do anything about it? Absolutely.
By claiming back your voice and using it you reclaim that personal power. By understanding where the inner critic sits, who it is, really does give you the push to take full responsibility for what you hear and how you react to it. I have learned over time how to mute it, and when to listen to it. I do have quite the procrastinator who whispers into my ear but sometimes I whisper back.
Say what you mean
This will change over time as you shift, learn, grow, and evolve. If I bothered to journal which I don’t, I would see that I am not the same person one week to the next. Nor should I be. To remain the same would mean I hadn’t grown and had become stagnant.
The things I started to learn about myself gave me the initial courage needed to speak up. To realise that speaking up or disagreeing with someone would not cause World War 3.
Everyone has a voice that deserves to be heard. If I disagree with what they have to say, fine. We can agree to disagree. Over the last 4 years in particular, the amount of fighting, armchair warrior nonsense, censorship and more online has shown so many voices be silenced. That does not sit well with me.
When I say I won’t silence anyone I mean it. Even when people try to provoke a fight or gain attention on my online spaces, I let them speak. It’s that person’s truth, not mine. Who am I to say their experience is not valid? I might have to sit here with gritted teeth or reflect that energy back to them, but they still get to say what they need to.
If you find you’re repeating or regurgitating something someone else has said take a deeper look and ask why you are repeating something you don’t believe. Is it time to delve into that aspect or programming? You can work through and find your own truth.
Mean what you say
The hardest part is to truly mean what you say.
It can be tempting to choose your battles or use a white lie to be kind, but does this really serve you? Would it be better understood if you were upfront in the first instance? Trust me, as you find your voice you’re more inclined to be upfront to save time, misunderstandings and more.
To start with, being ‘present’ is possibly the best way to tackle things. Really ‘homing in’ on your feelings before speaking can be a great guide. When someone is passionate about their topic you can feel it in your gut. It shines out of them – you may not agree with them, but you can appreciate their authenticity.
Always stand in your convictions. Articulate yourself clearly and simply, it helps deliver your message loud and clear – the simpler the language you can use the better. There’s less likelihood of things being taken out of context, twisted, or misunderstood when you keep it as plain as possible.
What you see written here is exactly how I am in real life if I was speaking to you in person. Which is a tad refreshing in these days of smoke and mirrors *wry smile*. And given I wouldn’t say “Boo” to a goose until my late 30’s, I understand being shut down and heavily programmed. If I can find my closed down voice, anyone can.
Words have power
Words have power so choose them well. Observe the language you use – even after the event. Did you say what you actually meant?
A prime example for me is the word sovereign versus autonomous.
The latter is exactly what I mean as it’s ‘clean’, has only one meaning and is not linked to other people. I can feel the difference in the energy of each word.
Start investigating the meaning of words or phrases, *a second wry smile* take out the ‘bells and whistles’ from your energy work (trust me on this one) and experience the changes it brings. You will realise It makes sense in hindsight. A thesaurus is a handy tool at this stage. Just saying.
Article by More to Life Elder – Cheryl McGregor – Dragon Ascension Therapies
Article published in More to Life – Edition 66
