There are many ways to look at the dynamics of relationship. In general, people look to see if they are a good match physically, emotionally, etc. The information in this article may help you to understand these match-ups more concisely.
We each have, in addition to a physical body, various energy bodies: an etheric body, an emotional body, a mental body and a spiritual body. (We’ll consider our physical body to simply be our densest energy body.) Each of these energy bodies is a vehicle for experiencing and expressing different aspects of human consciousness. This becomes significant for relationships because most of us create a deep identity with one of those energy bodies. We ‘make a home’ there, which deeply aligns us with a particular way of experiencing and relating to the world, held in place by the sense of self we’ve created for ourselves there. Although we may share the same language with our partner, the meaning of particular words and concepts may be completely different, dependent upon where you’ve made your home. For instance, if your home is your emotional body, “being close to someone” will likely mean something entirely different to you than to someone whose home is their spiritual body. This is a setup for all kinds of drama, before either one of you has even said a word to each other. We’ll explore this in more detail below.
First we need to outline the qualities associated with having a home in each of these energy bodies:
Physical Body: Someone who makes their home here is very connected to physicality and their body. They experience themselves as physical beings. Emotion is a natural part of that, but it is experienced more physically than emotionally. For such a person, “being close” to someone means sharing deep physical experiences, whether that is through deep physical-sexual connection, or through other physical activities, such as sports.
Etheric Body: This body acts as our buffer to the physical world. Those who make their home here usually feel like they deeply experience their physical body, because they love and are highly attuned to sensation. Typically they love dancing and other kinds of movement. But there is actually a deep avoidance of genuine physicality, and all this sensation is experienced through their etheric body. They are actually living around and outside of their physicality. For such a person, “being close” to someone really means sharing etheric sensation.
Emotional Body: This body is where we experience our emotional ‘juice’. For those who make their home here, emotion is what they live and breathe. That doesn’t mean that they will be oversensitive emotionally, or hot-tempered, or be subject to emotional meltdowns. It simply means that this is their home, their framework and context for all their other experiences. This is their sense of self. They may be very rational or highly developed mentally, but they understand things through their emotions. It’s the flavor of their existence. For such a person, “being close” to someone means emotional intimacy.
Mental Body: For those who make their home here, the mind is what they live and breathe. They can be very emotional and/or very spiritual, but they live in a mental world. They process their emotions mentally, and they process their reality mentally. For such a person, “being close” means sharing mind-space. This is not the same thing as sharing ideas; it is more like being aligned enough that one starts to feel a ‘oneness of mind’.
Spiritual Body: For those who make their home here, a sense of transcendence or freedom is key to who they are. Although anyone with any kind of energy body home can have a spiritual practice, what the person with a spiritual body home is looking for is specifically freedom. But they may not have a spiritual practice and may pursue freedom in other ways, or they may simply yearn inside for it. These people will have a certain detachment from human emotion, even if they are highly emotional or highly reactive emotionally. In the place where they live, they won’t experience emotion has having ‘essential reality’. For such a person, “being close” to someone means sharing a sense of freedom and moving into a kind of oneness with the other person at a higher level.
So, with all this as background information, consider what happens when someone whose home is their emotional body starts a relationship with someone whose home is their spiritual body. In itself this kind of relationship is neither ‘bad’ nor doomed to failure. Opposites often attract, and the oppositeness of a partner can be interesting, even exciting. But even when there is genuine love— and love does transcend one’s local home—as human personalities, these two are very different. They may both agree that they are looking for closeness and intimacy, but what that means to each of them is entirely different. They agree on a language level, but what each is looking for is entirely different! One is looking for emotional intimacy and other looking for spiritual oneness. After a while, each will tend to feel that the other is withholding closeness, because neither is giving the other what they are looking for or need. This will lead to each blaming the other, to fights, to disappointments, to feelings of abandonment, to all kinds of other drama, and so on. Each will feel ‘not-heard’ and misunderstood by the other, and each will be right.
This emotional-spiritual body dynamic is, of course, just one possible dynamic, but the same kind of misunderstanding and drama can happen in any other cross-home dynamics. And because we are, as humans, much more complex than this, with many sub-identities, similar kinds of dynamics can also happen even if you are with someone whose home is the same. But the cross-home dynamic is one of the largest ones, and also often the easiest to see and address.
In general, there are three ways to get past this kind of relationship impasse: (a) get into relationship with someone who has the same home as yours, (b) get some perspective: consciously, in meditation, bridge yourself into the experience of each of the other homes so you have an understanding of what your partner (and other people in general) are experiencing, and how that differs from your own, (c) move out of your home, which means to entirely break your identity with it, with that mode of experience, and learn to be open to all the various modes of experience represented by the other homes.
It should be noted that a small percentage of the population do not create a fixed home as described here, and a much smaller percentage even create a dual identity, creating a strong identity with two energy bodies. Also, some people are more entirely living in one body, while others may spread themselves out more, spending more time in the other energy bodies while still maintaining a primary home. Past life connections as well as genetic/ancestral history will also, of course, create their own influences.
If you do give yourself some perspective and illumination by meditating into the experiences of other energy body homes, do note which one seems the most foreign to you, which one you live in the least. And then look for the ‘why’ of that. I’m sure if you are honest with yourself you’ll find some new insight into what makes you the human you seem to be, at this point in time.
Ric is the founder of VortexHealing® Divine Energy Healing and the author of a book by that name as well as author of Awakening Through the Veils, A Seeker’s Guide. For more information on VortexHealing, or to find a VortexHealer, or to read other articles Ric has written, visit www.vortexhealing.org