I Wish I Was Different


How often do we wish to be anyone but who we are? On a physical level we want to be thinner, prettier, taller or shorter or cleverer that her/him. We wish we were as talented as …as famous as…as wealthy as…

Are we ever truly content with who we are? Why do we feel so inadequate? Where does this lack of faith in ourselves begin?

Perhaps society is responsible; the TV, media, reality shows, magazines, models etc. Perhaps our parents failed to give us the confidence we needed. (no blame attached, they were, of course, products of their own parenting).

As we grow and develop and learn our ‘idols’ often change; we wish we were more loving, more understanding, more like our favourite philosopher or spiritual guru. More like those people who seem to have a stronger spiritual presence, whose light seems to shine much more brightly than our own.  Putting these people on a pedestal, hanging on their every word, blindly believing whatever they tell us can be quite damaging for us if we do not know how to use our power of discernment.

For example, let’s consider the average medium on stage giving messages to random people in their audience. Feelings of vulnerability and desperation are rife, everyone hoping for a message from their deceased loved ones wanting the often generic and rather vague messages from the other side to ‘fit’ their circumstances, hoping for someone/something to ease their pain.

Now I am not saying there aren’t genuine mediums who do have the ability to give messages from our loved ones, of course there are but we must be discerning and not give our power over to just anyone. We have to stand in our own power, our own light. We are all capable of receiving messages from loved ones, they come in many guises, a song, a feather, a dream the discovery of a letter at the bottom of an old box forgotten about over time, a random message, a whisp of web on your cheek – spirit uses many ways of connecting with us. If we are open to the possibility, we can all receive direct and personal messages from them. So why would we need an intermediary? Why would we give our power away?

Truth is, those we hold in high esteem and put on a pedestal are human beings with their own faults, frailties, issues and shortcomings. One day they will not live up to our expectations, we will become disillusioned and even vilify them as they fall from our grace.  And of course, if someone puts us on a pedestal and believes we are the best thing since sliced bread, they too will be disappointed – we are only human and all have our own “stuff” to deal with.  Of course it is a different story when both parties have learnt to practice unconditional love.

It is good to have people to look up to, to aspire to be like. Just one line in a book can resonate so greatly with us that it can change our perception of who we are. How wonderful! I can think of many snippets I have found in the written word that really have had a profound effect on me and my life’s journey.  Having read and understood certain things has, in fact, been life changing.

We must learn to ‘stand in our own light’ to be happy in our own skin. How many of us can say that we love ourselves? We so often fall short of our own expectations. How easy it is to wear the ‘hair shirt and chastise one’s self endlessly?  There is always that little voice in our head telling us we are ‘not good enough, ‘we have failed’, ‘we are not worthy etc.  Be aware, this is our ego speaking and we must work to still this negative voice, to get past it, to silence it.  The solution is to work on our own individual connection with the divine, to allow that light to pour down on us and through us. Divine light can disperse even the darkest thoughts and feelings, if only we remember to connect. It is so much harder to experience ‘the light’ when we are going through difficult times, so much harder to lift ourselves out of the slough of despondency. So how do we do it? We simply ask – we call upon our guardian angels, our God, to release us from the chains of our own selves. To enable us to stand in our own light, knowing that we are part of God, that we are worthy, that all we need is that connection to God.

Let your examples of goodness be only the highest and best. Who wouldn’t aspire to be as loving, gentle and wise as those high spiritual beings who have graced this planet, Jesus, The Dalai Lama, the Saints and many others who are worshipped for their goodness, kindness and forgiveness.

Let us invoke their light, through the divine, to help our own light to shine more brightly, to help us to steer our own course through the rich and unique tapestry of our lives.

Kathy Searle

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