In my last article (see edition 66) I introduced the concept of PEMS Wellness© – the truly holistic approach to health, by nurturing your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual wellbeing.
An intrinsic part of this is cultivating a relationship with your body. Hearing this five years ago, I would have looked at you quizzically and said: “well, I exercise regularly, sleep and eat well, so I think I have a good relationship with my body.” Oh, how wrong I was!
In reality, I had no idea what my body needed, because I was completely disconnected from her innate wisdom and subtle signals. I was relying, instead, purely on external information, filtered through the mind’s conditioning about what my body should be able to do, and how it should look. Can you relate?
The result of disconnection? Burnout, chronic pain and depression. All of these (and others) the body’s signals. The challenge is to connect, listen, interpret, and respond, with loving kindness.
Born connected
We are born connected with our body. As babies, the sensations we experience in the body signal an unmet need: sustenance, nurture, warmth, safety, sleep (and so on). In response to that signal, we raise the alarm to caregiver(s) by crying, and they interpret what it is we need.
From birth, you are constantly taking in information from your environment. You are a little sponge! Learning, processing, discovering, exploring and playing.
The mind-body connection remains intact, until and unless our experience denotes otherwise.
Conditioning
Your core beliefs are forming throughout the most critical early years of development and will determine the trajectory of your life. Remember, you are a little sponge! Constantly observing and perceiving. Therefore, your environment, and perception of it, is critical to whether you keep, or lose, your mind-body connection, and whether it is a healthy or distorted connection.
Here’s a perfect example: As a child, I would watch my mother carefully apply her make-up each morning. As she did so, she constantly criticized her appearance. Every line and wrinkle examined and judged. She rarely had a kind word to say about herself. She was so concerned with her appearance to the outside world, that not even her partner knew what she looked like without at least a base-layer of make-up.
What is learned from this? Instead of discovering what feels healthy and what feels nourishing, the message is – what you look like on the outside is more important than how you feel on the inside. The message is – keep up appearances, otherwise you will be judged and criticized.
One begins to ignore the messages from within the body, and the mind-body disconnection and distortion has begun.
Trauma:
It would be remiss not to mention trauma when talking about the mind-body connection. Trauma occurs in the body, in response to distressing and/or injurious events which surpass an individual’s capacity to cope.
It has the capacity to damage an individual’s sense of safety, security and trust in themselves, their caregiver(s) and the people and world around them. In some cases, trauma can cause an individual to dissociate – where one feels disconnected from their body, or from their reality. It is an autonomic response from the nervous system and a powerful defence mechanism designed for survival.
If you’ve lost connection with your body because of trauma, the aim initially is to cultivate safety: It may not feel safe to have a connection with your body at first, and re-building it will take time, compassion and patience.
For me, dissociation began through growing up in a volatile and unpredictable environment. The emotions and sensations I experienced were so big and overwhelming for my young mind & body, that it was beyond my capacity to cope. My wonderful, beautiful body dissociated to protect me, but it meant I could no longer hear her subtle wisdom.
Cultivating a (re)Connection
Reconnection isn’t a switch that suddenly comes back on one day. It’s a gradual re-awakening. A dawning. A growing awareness of new dimensions of your existence.
As you cultivate and nurture this connection, there is a gradual return to safety within. You will learn to feel and hear the whispers of your body’s wisdom and you will let this become your guide, first and foremost.
You will wonder how you ever got so far in life without it.
Connection with your body becomes your inner navigation system. You’ll feel and sense decision making in a different way. It’s like gaining access to all the information you need, without realising you’d been without it for so long.
Practices for connection
Breath awareness
A beautiful technique to try is heart-focused breathing (a technique developed by the Heartmath Institute). It’s really simple and can be practiced anywhere (as long as you feel safe).
- Focus your attention around the heart.
- Imagine your breath is flowing in and out of your heart or chest area, breathing a little slower and deeper than usual.
- Find an easy rhythm that’s comfortable.
As you practice this technique, you might notice sensations and feelings arise from within. You are cultivating a re-connection to your body, and inner world so what arises might feel unfamiliar.
Set a timer for a few minutes (3 to 5) to begin with and go gently.
Touch
Spend some time re-connecting with your body through neutral touch.
- Gently and slowly using your palms, squeeze and press down your arms (as if giving yourself a hug). Move your hands over your torso, hips and down your legs, all the way to your feet.
- Repeat in reverse all the way back up to your face.
- Finish with giving yourself a gentle hug.
Be mindful as you try this practice. Take it slowly, and notice the sensations and thoughts that arise, offering compassion to this newfound connection and awareness.
If any of the practices above feel triggering or unsafe, please stop until you’ve spoken to an appropriate practitioner. If you have experienced trauma, I highly recommend working with a practitioner to begin with, rather than commencing this journey on your own.
A final note
I invite you to cultivate time and space to build your nourishing mind-body connection. I believe the importance of this has been lost in modern society and western culture.
We have lost sight of the fact that our body is our vessel through this lifetime. It is the home of our Soul. In the words of Buddha: “Your body is a temple. Cherish it. Love it. Nourish it.”
Article by More to Life Elder – Carli Thorpe
Article published in More to Life – Edition 67
