Achieving harmony in life can be difficult for many external reasons. Peer pressure, family problems, relationship difficulties – the list is endless but perhaps the abuse from a partner can be particularly difficult to heal from.
Are you a people pleaser with no boundaries, or no voice, in a large family?
Are you quiet and shy? Are you often withdrawn?
Are you the victim of an abusive relationship?
As a young bride, you are so in love with your husband, trying to compromise and ensure he is as happy as you are. Slowly, he starts to chip away at your self-esteem and your self-worth knowing he has control over you. He has you feeling so worthless, believing your family and friends don’t like you. He isolates you to hide his actions and behaviour. Is it the sound of his voice, the look he gives you or his complete disregard for your feelings that gives him control? Does he make comments about your body being fat? Are you told you are so ugly nobody else would want you? How do you recover after you find the courage to leave?
After an abusive relationship, the road to harmony is a deeply personal and challenging journey. Abuse, whether emotional, physical, or psychological, can leave long-lasting scars that disrupt your sense of self, security, and trust in others. Healing from such trauma requires time, patience, and deliberate effort to rebuild your life and sense of self-worth. The path to harmony involves recognising your pain, processing your emotions, setting healthy boundaries, and rediscovering your strength and identity.
The first step to harmony after an abusive relationship is to acknowledge what happened and validate your feelings. Feelings such as anger, sadness, guilt, shame, or fear. You may feel you are to blame. Your hopes and dreams are gone. Your loss may be a mixture of relief and grief. How do you move on?
You go through a grieving process, as you would when someone close has passed to spirit. Understanding that your feelings are valid, and permitting yourself to feel them, is an essential part of healing. Whether you are talking to a friend or seeking therapy, you need to express the emotions you are holding inside.
Professional Support
Seeking professional support can be a crucial part of your recovery. Therapists, who specialise in trauma and abuse, can provide guidance and tools to help you process your experiences in a safe, supportive environment. Trance Healing Academy uses Talk Therapy and Spiritual healing to unpick your experiences and let you understand that the blame, shame and guilt you are carrying is not yours but that of your abuser.
Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries is critical for protecting your emotional and physical well-being. Boundaries define what is acceptable and unacceptable in your interactions with others, including your ex-partner, family, and friends. Self-care is so important for your mind body and soul as you recover. Self-care is not selfish so find activities such as exercise, meditation, sports or simply walking in nature to free your mind. To enable you to recover your identity.
Remembering Who You Are
Who were you before the abuse? Who do you want to be now? This will involve connecting the before with the future aspirations. Look at things, which were suppressed, or you were not allowed to do. Start small and surround yourself with supportive people. Reconnecting with your authentic self helps you rebuild confidence and a sense of purpose, which are crucial for achieving harmony. Learn to trust yourself and support your small wins. Forgive yourself for past decisions as you did the best you could with the knowledge and resources available at the time.
Self-talk assuming yourself to be who the abuser said you were can be deeply ingrained. When negatively speaking about yourself you need to challenge this by reframing your mind to think of your strengths and accomplishments.
Create a Vision
Creating a vision for your future can inspire hope and motivation. Take small steps looking at a month ahead, then 3 months ahead. If you need to rethink these goals it is not a failure but a delay.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness, especially self-forgiveness, is a crucial part of achieving harmony. It’s common to hold onto anger, resentment, or regret about the abusive relationship, but these emotions can keep you anchored in the past. Forgiving yourself means letting go of any blame you may carry and recognising that the abuse was not your fault.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing the abuse. Instead, it’s about freeing yourself from the emotional burden that keeps you from moving forward. Practice self-compassion, remind yourself that healing is a journey, and give yourself grace as you grow and rebuild.
Starting Over
Entering new relationships after an abusive experience can be daunting – there can be a fear of being hurt again or trust issues. Do not rush into new connections, pay attention to red flags, listen to your instincts, and open communication is crucial.
Healthy relationships are built on respect, trust, and mutual support. There are people who will treat you with kindness and value your boundaries. Embrace new relationships cautiously, allow yourself to experience positive, nurturing interactions, essential for restoring your sense of harmony and trust.
Achieving harmony after an abusive relationship is a challenging but advantageous process. It requires self-reflection, professional support, and a commitment to self-care and personal growth. By acknowledging your pain, setting healthy boundaries, rebuilding your identity, and embracing new beginnings, you can heal from past wounds and create a life filled with peace, self-love, and resilience. The journey to harmony is not linear, but each step brings you closer to reclaiming your power and finding joy in life again.
Article by Jane Speirs –Trance Healing Academy
Article published in More to Life – Edition 68
