Oddly, walking your talk can be a scary prospect for some, and a piece of cake for others. But what does it actually mean? Like everything it varies from person to person, but for me it means:
Saying what you mean.
Meaning what you say.
Following through on the above.
It can, at times, be easier to pay lip service to something and then do the exact opposite just for the sake of peace. But do you feel the weight of that choice sitting on your shoulders?
Is it weighing you down, day by day? Replaying the conversation again and again wishing you had said something else?
The longer you carry that burden of not being true to yourself, the harder it can become to move on.
Take a litmus test right now.
Do you modify your behaviour to fit in with others?
Have you/do you act differently around certain people to keep the peace?
Are you self-censoring what you think in order to not start a fight?
Have you ever said something that you know you don’t believe and not corrected yourself?
Can people around you tell when you are not being yourself?
Are you fed up with the constant flip-flopping about who you portray yourself to be?
If the answer is yes to any of these questions, you may not be your true authentic self. What does that look like? For me, it’s when there’s no effort, fibbing, or roleplaying going on. When what you see, is what you get. This is how I would speak to you in real life (with the swearing edited out *wry smile!)
Are you able to say the same? The person you show to others in real-life or online – is that who you TRULY are at the core of yourself?
What is holding you back?
Is it fear of showing people what you believe or think? Or perhaps a reluctance to put yourself ‘out there’ for fear of being ridiculed in some way. Or is it something else? Only you will know the answer to that question. And you may have to dig a bit deep beneath the surface to find what really is holding you back.
Does it stem back to a time when you did speak up and were shut down abruptly? So much so that became a default setting? This is what I found when I dug down through the layers. When I was around 7, I was told by a teacher to “be quiet.” I stayed quiet until I hit my mid-30’s and then started questioning things. I am no longer quiet. In fact, I’d say I’m pretty outspoken these days (huge smile as I type that.)
It wasn’t a pleasant experience, but it explained a fair bit. My story is one of thousands of possibilities.
There were other things or experiences along the way, but this was the main trigger point for me when I dug through them all.
You may find it has been a form of programming such as “being seen and not heard” or listening to those you believe has a form of power and trusting they are correct. So much so, you take on their beliefs at the expense of your own.
There’s a lot to unpack when you really start to dig into this one. Everyone has their own life experience and it’s not a simple A to B map. There can be a lot of doubling back, circling or getting lost along the way.
How to start? First observe.
The first thing I like to remind you is that you don’t have to jump into things feet first. It is okay to take a moment or two for observation before you begin.
Observe and note down (if that resonates for you) situations where you either change who you are around someone, agreed with something when you actually believe something else, bitten your tongue or kept quiet for any reason. Do you start to see a pattern emerging?
Does your behaviour change around a family member? Do you try to be who they expect or wish to see – rather than your true self? Do you try to be someone you aren’t at work? Does it feel uncomfortable?
These are the first places to look – it gives you some breathing space and a bit of clarity around yourself.
Then start to dig.
Why does your behaviour change around specific people or situations?
Now, this can be a stumbling block, but keep at it. Persistence can yield gold. Be brave – self- examination can ‘throw up’ uncomfortable feelings that you really don’t like but this is the point – once you see and acknowledge them, you can start making changes.
Take a deep breath and look at what you have spotted. You may become upset or even angry. Allow the emotions to come up and out – they may have been stuck there for a while and caused other issues along the way.
It can be a messy process, but it is necessary. You will start to understand yourself when you question your own behaviour.
Ask what you can do to release, dissolve and move forward from the things that make you squirm a bit. What your gut tells you may be a surprise but trust what you feel/hear. This is your true self coming to the fore to help.
Make changes if they are needed
If you can make a change, then go ahead. See how it feels, how it fits. Does it feel more comfortable? Can you feel the weight coming off your shoulders as you start to be you, rather than a version or photocopy of yourself?
Take time with this one. It may happen overnight but, for some, it can take time and effort. You may need to tweak the settings so to speak until you find the perfect balance.
Your knees may shake the first time you make a significant change or, when you let the real you be seen, but the shakiness moves on pretty quickly.
That breath of fresh air you can feel? That’s you shaking off the shackles of keeping yourself hidden or under wraps.
Now keep going…
This is the fun part of the process. Simply being yourself, always.
It’s a liberating feeling and once you start it’s very hard to go back. Trust me on that one. The more you are yourself, the more natural it becomes – because that is how we are meant be.
If all this seems too much or too complicated, then let me ask you this. Is there someone in your life who you admire because they live life on their own terms? They won’t be caged or told what to do or think. They stand up for themselves and pretty much don’t give a monkey’s what anyone thinks or says about them as they know it’s all projection? That is a person walking their talk.
If they can do it, you can do it.
And who knows in time you may be that way-shower or flash of inspiration for someone else.
Exciting stuff, no?
Article by Cheryl McGregor
Article published in More to Life Edition 59
