This is for everyone who feels that they are ‘different’ to others, those who are ‘outsiders’ – it can be a blessing! When I was growing up in the `sixties I knew that I wasn’t like my classmates but I had no idea what was causing me so much trouble while they seemed to have no problems at all.
There was no help or sympathy available, so I just had to do whatever I could to survive school. Does this sound familiar?
For example, a lot of our work was dictated to us but when it came to a word whose spelling I had to think about I would freeze and my brain could not take in the information. Even words like ‘to’ and ‘the’ used to stop me dead. To get over the problem, I would take a friend’s book home and copy it, then do the homework; so I was doing double work every day. When it came to reading out loud to the rest of the class from the book being studied in English, I would get so nervous that the book would shake in my hands because, of course, if you made a mistake the others would snigger and call you “stupid”. So my friend sitting next to me would quietly whisper the story to me and I’d just repeat what she said. This worked quite well until the time when she turned the page and I didn’t…!
Despite this, I loved English and always got good comments for my stories, except for the spelling and grammar; so usually my work would get covered in red pen, ruining my pleasure in writing and stripping me of any self-confidence. Throughout my school life I was accused of being lazy and “not trying”, when actually I was working twice as hard as my friends just to keep up. Teachers would say, “You can learn to spell if you just try…” and I so wished this were true! I would learn a spelling, for example, and even remember it for about half an hour – but then it disappeared as if I had never seen it. The frustration prevented me from pursuing any higher education and following my ambitions; in fact, school was so demoralising that I left before my sixteenth birthday quite convinced that I couldn’t possibly do anything worthwhile.
It wasn’t until I went to college later that I first hear the word ‘dyslexia’. One of my tutors told me that I might have the condition, so I got more information and realised that I had every symptom described as well as those of dyspraxia. All of this means that even remembering passwords or four-digit PIN codes is impossible, so you can imagine the problem that causes nowadays! But learning about dyslexia was a revelation, and a relief, as I realised that I wasn’t stupid after all – just ‘different’.
I certainly don’t see the world in the same way as most people. For example, I don’t have any logical ability in the conventional sense: I once took a logic test and scored zero! I remember vividly that the chap who marked it nearly fell out of his chair in surprise. But I do have my own way of thinking, which works for me, and I have spoken to many others who have grown up without any help or understanding of their difficulties, yet who have also been able to devise individual ways of getting by and solving problems.
Many years later, I had a good idea for a novel but dismissed it as I’d had so much humiliation at school. But it kept nagging at me so finally I took out pen and paper and began to write. The story poured out of me like a dammed-up river finally released, and since then I haven’t stopped writing: so far there are children’s books, a teen novel, some science fiction and two spiritual novels. All the same, it then took twenty-four years to get my first novel published; after many rejections on the grounds of “too much work required”, finally one publisher liked my work so much that he personally edited the whole book.
I have learned so much along the way. The blessing of dyslexia has changed me and helped me to grow far more than if I hadn’t been ‘different’. It has taught me to have a thicker skin and not to take others’ criticism too personally. It has given me the ability to think ‘outside the box’, to solve everyday problems creatively and come up with unusual plots for my writing. It made me stronger, more resilient and determined, which finally brought me what I wanted even if it did take years to come about. It has made me more understanding of others.
So I say to anyone who has been labelled or discriminated against by others for being ‘different’ – for any reason – that you are unique and perfect in your own way, with your own gifts and talents that are just as worthy as anyone else’s. Your difference makes you original, so let it make you strong and authentic. May you walk your truth and find the peace and happiness of just being yourself.
This article has been edited by the publisher of my novels,
Day Trips to Heaven and Karma Neutral.
